I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
