I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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She told me I should be a condom model.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
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Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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