I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
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There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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