....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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