only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
