Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
