and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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