Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
