Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Everything about him screamed your future.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
