my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
