Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
