why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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