Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
