My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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