i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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