I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
