ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
