My first STD was from a foam party
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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