U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
