Having a random hookup so left but love u
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
