Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
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I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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