3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
