My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
