she looked like the before picture.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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