if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
