get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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