Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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