yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
