'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
