We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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