i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
