Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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