Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
