I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
