I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
