I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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