so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
only if we run a train.
done.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize