My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
