I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
