I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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