I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
