I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
