evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
