I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
