dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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