It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
