I accidentally had phone sex last night
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
