why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
