no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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