my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
