No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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