I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
