You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
