you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
