There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize