There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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