If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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